1. Kim from Miss Saigon

i've always wanted to do this role, seeing as it's Asian and not in a satirical, stereotypical Asian way.  Kim has beautiful songs, like I'd Give My Life For You, or Sun and Moon a duet with the male lead, and it's just one of those roles that i think every young asian singer would like to do.  plus lea salonga is one of my idols, and anything she's done, i'd like to do well, too.  PLUS i would get to work with an adorable like asian child :) :) :) :) :). 

2. Galinda/Glinda from Wicked
there's no complicated reason as to why i'd like to be a blonde, very white good witch.  i want to spit in the face of the odds....i'm a tanned, black-haired short asian girl.  i'd like to get airbrushed caucasian, put on a natural-looking curly blonde wig, wear dresses, and be bubbly.  at the same time--

3. Elphaba from Wicked
i'd also like to be elphaba from wicked.  just because her songs are so AMAZING.
i like this version of defying gravity, because it's eden espinosa's last show, and she's my favorite elphaba.  she starts crying at some point, and even though it severly screws up her singing, it's really touching.


4. Grown Nala from Disney's the Lion King
i've alllways loved the role of Nala, especially because of her song shadowland.  soooo pretty :). 

5. Belle from Disney's Beauty & the Beast 
i'd like to break the mold of belle being white.  the most well-known broadway belles have been white, white, black, then white again. 

6. Lucy Harris from Jekyll & Hyde
lucy harris was played by linda eder, who also happens to be one of my idols.  i love her role, a prostitute who meets mr. hyde and becomes taken with him :). 
Linda Eder singing Man of La Mancha from Don Quixote.  amazinggg.


7. Eponine from Les Miserables
another role that was done once by lea salonga, who later went on to do Fantine as well :). 
Les Miserable 10th Anniversary Concert with amazing colm wilkinson, lea salonga, judy kuhn (who did pocahontas !!!! BAAH), and michael ball.  audio isn't totally synced perfectly, so don't look at it too closely or you might get a headache like i did, but it was cancelled out by the amazing audio :).

and just for the heck of it, here's a video of the 10th anniversary concert of the 17 jean valjeans.  really moving. moved me straight to tears :)

Guy Fawkes Night is coming up :) prepare to celebrate.  i'll probably celebrate by watching v for vendetta and eating sushi and keeping to myself in my dorm room.  don't hate, it's a really pleasant experience. 

so my halloween wasn't that great.  i never really liked halloween, you know, it being the most dangerous night of the year, i never liked candy so trick or treating i never enjoyed.  the only time i ever enjoyed halloween was last year when i spent it with my two closest high school friends and we went trick or treating around the most amazing halloween street in the suburbs around los angeles, and our costumes were clever and amazing.  but besides that, my halloweens were either stuck in my house handing out candy to kids who had to drive to each house because the houses in my neighborhood are soooo far apart, or going to awkward halloween parties where i was friends with nobody and it was just awkward.  and i'm not an awkward person so that's saying something. 

anyway, my halloween started out pleasant enough.  i ducked out of several lame halloween parties (that i found out just ended up getting broken up about half an hour after they started), and i was just staying in my room, watching scooby doo and eating sushi delivery.  it was wonderful.  both of my roommates were out, the one i liked was at a hockey game with her friends from work, the other was out doing whatever-i-didn't-really-care-as-long-as-she-was-out-of-the-room.  but then about halfway through scooby doo and the alien invaders, the roommate i don't like came into the room with a guy.  and they started doing awkward things.  it was really annoying, so i just left.  i was shunted unceremoniously from my room by a couple of awkward, hormonal idiots.  i did not appreciate this.  by the time i got back in, they were just barely leaving (i sanitized everything.  i wasn't taking any chances).  but then she came back fifteen minutes later with this girl who has been staying in our room for the past four days (without our permission i may add), and they started doing unnecessary lesbian yet not really lesbian cuddling things.  by this time the roommate i liked came in with two of her friends, which i was okay with because her friends aren't obnoxious and imposing and annoying.  but we were all getting really uncomfortable with this unmanageable display of affection happening a few feet away from us--it was really distracting and uncomfortable. 

so basically my halloween this year was terrible (and halloween on this side of the country officially is crap compared to that of the other side....).  i've got midterms coming up at the end of this week and going through next week, but after that, i've got only a little bit of time before i go home.  I'M SO EXCITED.  i may weep. 

that's my thesis.  geeks are steadily taking over the world's population.  for a majority of my life, i thought of myself as an artsy person, the person who wore dark clothes that expressed myself, acted existentially, wasn't very bright, was liberal.  and i totally hated myself!! i was so unhappy with myself that i sunk into this terrible crack of idiocy that nobody could get me out of (mostly my fault but also theirs. they were stupid about emo people as well...).  but then i met a group of people who merely appeared to be an artsy bunch.  but they weren't the kind of artsy that makes an "artist" in the contemporary age, you know, the french beret even if you're american, attending peace demonstrations, having long, wispy hair even if you're a guy.  they were geeks. 

the happiest time of my life so far was when i hung out with these people.  they were geeks.  now when it comes to the word "geek", i have to clarify a misconception that loads of people have.  geek.  nerd.  dork.  three words that people always erroneously use interchangeably and they haven't the slightest idea what they're saying.  nerds are people who are book-smart, good at school, get A's on essays (which i believe shouldn't be graded.  it's subjective!!! >:[ ), has a tutor for everything.  geek is a higher species of evolution.  when people think of "geek", they think of the high-waisted, tucked-in pants, the glasses, the acne, the braces, the ineptitude in social situations.  but what /they're/ thinking of is actually the "dork."

a true geek will take offense if you call him or her a "nerd" or a "dork" (especially "dork.").  geeks are so much more than just comicbooks and superheroes and pokemon and star wars.  we are intuitive, intelligent, sexy, artistic, smooth, and a whole collection of other positive adjectives.  i was thinking about this yesterday while i was daydreaming.  the perception of the "geek", which is that of the "dork", is changing.  i can't think of any geeks i know who are in any way unattractive (hehe.  including myself? thank you very much).  we are part of the new movement which i like to call "New Geekdom." we have taken our idols, such as the Terminator, Batman, Wonderwoman, Catwoman, Harley Quinn, anime characters, etc., and we have copied their mannerisms, their appearance, their way of life, and other aspects of these characters.  by doing this, we have become a geeky community of people who wear aviator sunglasses, leather jackets, have "Aztec gold skull embossed medallions", or we work out like Kyle Reese or Sarah Connor.  we've reinvented the look of the geek, into the most badassery i have ever seen.  especially those who like to emulate the godfather, the Triads from Rush Hour, or other infamous mobs that have made their way into the media. 

so how are geeks slowly taking over the world's population? simple Darwinian explanation (i share his birthday btw.  woot!).  geeks are naturally selected for.  if it's not for our good looks, it's because geeks are intelligent, and they will work hard, and we're rich.  they are creative.  don't tell me you don't believe that someone other than a geek invented the cellphone.  the cellphone was in American media even before it was physically manifested.  in the popular TV series Star Trek, the communicators.  the age of jock domination is dying.  people want to get with geeks more than ever now. 

when i was a freshman, i was labeled as a "dork." the JV football team which consisted mostly of dumbshits in my class always made fun of me, for tripping, for my good grades, for knowing more about music than any person should know.  one person in particular eventually became my friend.  i became his secret geek friend on the side, who he could show his sensitive side and such.  it was very high school tv show cliché.  but there was one thing about me about which he never gave me a break, and that was my geekdom.  i revealed him how i was considering getting a tattoo of the batman symbol, and he laughed derisively.  all he could think of then was banging a chick with a tramp stamp of the batman symbol, singing the classic batman theme song.  all i could think of after that was how he probably would someday work as my poolguy. 

so slowly but quite surely, we geeks are taking over things.  geeks look toward the future, the popular jocks and cheerleaders are relics of the past who for some reason try to cling on to what they have.  geeks don't have a predetermined political affiliation like "artsy" types do, or like "college students" do, or rich old billionaires.  we are immune to what people say about us, unless it's "dork" or "nerd." you can call us silly for knowing who wrote the music for Star Wars or being able to quote word-for-word the conversations between Pocahontas and John Smith from Disney's Pocahontas, or the exchange between Darth Vader and Chancellor Palpatine.  you can call me ridiculous and "retarded" for knowing that Abraham Lincoln, Charles Darwin, and I share a birthday, and that John Williams went to UCLA and Basil Poledoris went to USC.  you can make fun of me for even knowing who stan lee is (if you don't know who he is...look him up right now.  eff you for not knowing.).  but know that the second those derisive words leave your mouth, i am automatically better than you.  anything you say about my geek culture is immediately discredited because, well, you're obviously not a true geek.  because true geeks don't say truly derisive things about other geeks just for being geeky.  sure, i'll look down on you because you like captain america (i HATE. captain america....i don't know why.  i just do), but i will ultimately respect you for being a geek. 

watch out, world, we're running things now. 

i've decided.  i'm not going to tell anybody because they'll just get mad at me for "not giving BU a fair chance." i'm transferring out at the end of sophomore year.  what caused me to make this decision?

because someone didn't want to be friends with me because i didn't grow up in an Asian country.  because i have to pretend to be liberal to avoid a lynching and survive here (who knew BU was as liberal as oberlin?).  because my eyes "freak people out." because i'm not allowed to major in what i want to major in.  because the metro system runs through the spine of my school.  because i'm shunned for liking comic books.  because i've eaten all my meals by myself since i came here.  because i hate all my classes.  because i hate this school so much, going to class makes me want to throw up.  because people make fun of my /nonexistent/ accent. 

mostly because i'm not allowed to major in what i want to major in....
and because i've had to pretend i was liberal on more than one occasion.
and because i'm basically shunned for being asian-american. 

i'm just taking it second by second. 
"are you chinese?"
"yeah, but i'm from los angeles."
".....oh......." *shun*

...whatever.  the pluses:
1. this place is making me tuff.
2. i'm getting experience in a different timezone?
3. i'm losing weight.

i'm so unhappy here, i've completely 100% lost my appetite.  and i have no friends here to make sure that i eat something.  example.  i haven't eaten anything in the past 36-ish hours.  and i'm still not hungry.  and i still have no desire to go get food.  why would i? i'm not hungry.  and there's nobody i want to see.  how depressing.  i'm being very pathetic about this. 

i need to shape up.  but then i look at the best possible scenario.  i'm stuck here for 3 more semesters.  that's one and a half years.  i feel almost broken.  someone commented that every time they speak to me, i look and sound like i'm about to cry.  well i dunno what that's about because the only time i really ever cry openly is in the shower and in my room, turned away so my roommates can't see.  this place is breaking me.  i'm not getting tougher.  i'm getting meeker.  i'm tired all the time.  my body hurts all the time.  sure i'm getting good grades, better grades than i ever got (except for in middle school, but somehow i feel that doesn't count...), but this doesn't make me happy.  and one of my good grades is in trouble of getting severely fucked, just because the boston weather is a pregnant hormonal woman with bipolar disorder, in other words, boston weather is prone to mood swings.  in my astronomy class, if i don't attend one of the night labs, then i automatically fail the class.  doesn't matter that i may have been sick for a week, or that the weather obliterated most of the night lab instances, or that some nights i had too much homework to be able to leave my room to trek in the dark to an observatory at a location i don't know.  if i don't go, i fail. 

i'm thankful for my friends and family from back home (pop, mum, jeffey, maxipad, shmami, laurasaurus, cammie, handsome, kafleen, g, steph, abbey, lj, sooin mi hermanita, gerger, daniel beard-on, the fern patio seniors, janejane, and sean <3).  they've been a huge help in my petty personal crisis, and they've been really understanding and supportive through my complaints and my whining, and are still concerned for me.  this is how i know that i'll still be friends with them when i'm 30 and i've got my own family and my own career.  this is how i know i will probably be someone's godmother in the future xP.  they're the only reason i'm able to make it through the day without having a major breakdown....

i know people have to do things in their lives that they don't want to do.  this has got to be good for me, right? this makes the good days sweeter, and the good moments better.  i can get through this.  by myself. 
right?

1. read a wikipedia page about myself. 
this means that i will have accomplished something that merits a wikipedia page about my origins. 

2. eat ice cream without wanting to kill myself.
because i'm allergic to milk and every time i eat more than an average spoonful of ice cream, i break out in painful hives and i feel like i'm going to be sick. 

3. receive a letter from hogwarts.  it's been done. 

4. perform tian lu in front of an audience. 

5. remove.  my tattoos....ideally completely.
i had a dream where i was wedding dress shopping with ma mere, and when she saw my tattoos...it was horrible.  according to my roommates and my RA i screamed in my sleep. 

6. prank somebody. 

7. get a hawt Asian boyfriend. 

8. dress up in a red trenchcoat, a red fedora, black gloves.  dress up said boyfriend in a red-and-white striped shirt and matching hat, jeans, and glasses.  and finally prove to the world that Carmen SanDiego and Waldo are really super secret Asian ninjas which is why they're so fucking hard to find.